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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28138638">if this, then that</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/schneefink/pseuds/schneefink'>schneefink</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Starless - Jacqueline Carey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Missing Scene, blasphemy (kind of), the problems with foresight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:22:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28138638</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/schneefink/pseuds/schneefink</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You sought to manipulate fate based on the gift of Sight. I bear a message for you. Pahrkun the Scouring Wind says, <em>Do not attempt the like again.</em>" </p>
<p>The Seer and the former shadow have a conversation.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Yuletide 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>if this, then that</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/VSSAKJ/gifts">VSSAKJ</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy Yuletide!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yarit waited for Vironesh in his chambers. Vironesh had told Khai that he would spend the rest of the day in contemplation, before starting his training in earnest the next morning, but Yarit was sure that the man would seek him out first, either past midnight or before sunset. Yarit had told Brother Merik that neither he nor Vironesh were to be disturbed for the rest of the day. Brother Merik had nodded, and it had even seemed less begrudging than usual. </p>
<p>Maybe the fact that his gamble had paid off had bought Yarit a small amount of trust, at least for a short while. It was good that Brother Merik hadn't been there to hear Pahrkun's message for him. The other brothers didn't need yet another reason to distrust and doubt how he carried out his duties. </p>
<p>It was his own fault, he reminded himself. If he complained less about how useless his Sight often was, then the Brothers would surely have more trust in him. All he would have to do was play the mysterious near-all-knowing wise Seer that Brother Saan had been, to pretend that the gift of Sight had given him a personality change, and things would be easier. At least for a while.</p>
<p>It was unfortunate that he was very bad at pretending. Besides, if Pahrkun wanted another Seer like Brother Saan had been, he should have chosen someone else. He hadn't, and everyone had to learn how to live with that. Pahrkun had chosen him, who had until then still thought of himself as Lukhan, a former Shahalim who'd only been at the monastery for a year, and nobody had stopped wondering why since. </p>
<p>Except Khai, Yarit reminded himself with a small, fond smile. Khai believed fully in Pahrkun's will, and had soon accepted that Yarit was not only meant to be his teacher, but the leader of the Brotherhood as well. </p>
<p>Of course, more than anyone else, Khai had to trust Pahrkun's will. For if Pahrkun's will might be fallible, that would call into question that Khai and Princess Zariya were meant for each other, and Khai's entire life was built on the knowledge that he was Princess Zariya's soulmate. Yarit couldn't even begin to understand the bond the two of them would share, but sometimes he Saw glimpses of the two of them together. Before that, he'd worried if Princess Zariya would consider Khai as her equal: they might be soulmates, but Zariya was a Princess, and Yarit knew the thoughtless arrogance of the House of the Ageless well enough. Afterwards, however, he knew that at least these worries were groundless.</p>
<p>The only person who could understand the bond that would exist between them was Vironesh, whose Prince died and who never recovered. The same could happen to Khai. Yarit hadn't Seen Zariya die yet, for which he was grateful, but he Knew that it was possible that she would die young (young in years, that was, not just in appearance) or before Khai did. All Yarit could do to prevent that was try to teach Khai the best he could, organize the best teachers for him, and try to follow the other signs and premonitions he got, vague as they were. Giving Khai the Teardrop had decreased the vague dreams he had about the apocalypse for a little while, which was the clearest sign of a correct course of action that he'd received.</p>
<p>A knock stopped him from lingering on everything he'd Seen for the hundredth time.</p>
<p>"Come in," he called.</p>
<p>Vironesh walked in. He seemed calm, now, and his eyes were remarkably clear and sharp for someone who'd used <em>gahlba</em> for so long. In most cases the effects took days to fade, if not longer. But either it affected Vironesh less, for whatever reason – after all, the man had survived death-bladder venom – or Pahrkun had granted him a clear mind when they had met.</p>
<p>With an effort, Yarit reminded himself that there was no use in being envious of Vironesh just because the god had talked to him directly, while he'd never spoken to Yarit. The one time Pahrkun and Anamuth had appeared to him to stop him from leaving, they hadn't had to say a word.</p>
<p>"Elder Brother," Vironesh said neutrally.</p>
<p>"Brother Vironesh," Yarit said and gestured for him to take a seat. </p>
<p>Vironesh grimaced faintly, but didn't protest the address. Apparently his talk with Pahrkun had convinced him that he was still a part of the Brotherhood, and Yarit was going to continue to remind him of that. Nevertheless, it was hard to think of him as "Brother Vironesh." It was very obvious that he'd had a very different life from everyone here, and that a Brother was only part of who he was. </p>
<p>Vironesh sat down and folded his hands. "I will need space to talk with Khai alone tomorrow," he said.</p>
<p>"I can arrange that." The Brothers would be happy about another hunting expedition. </p>
<p>"Good." Vironesh looked away for a moment and then looked straight at Yarit. "You Saw this, didn't you."</p>
<p>"I Saw you talk to Pahrkun," Yarit admitted. "I Know that it's important that you train Khai." Whenever he tried to Know more about the training Khai needed, the answer was that Vironesh's tutelage was necessary. So he'd tried to ensure that Khai would be properly trained by Vironesh. And it looked like it had worked; except apparently that hadn't been Pahrkun's will. Apparently Pahrkun didn't want him to attempt to manipulate fate based on his Sight. And Yarit had to accept that. Why did Pahrkun even choose a Seer, if that Seer wasn't supposed to act on his Sight? Was the Seer just supposed to suffer silently with his Knowledge? Should Yarit not have given the Teardrop to Khai because that was technically "manipulating fate based on his Sight," even though he was fairly certain that that would have led to the ruin of the country, if not the world? </p>
<p>Fate was a strange thing. If Brother Merik was right and Seers were chosen by Pahrkun at their birth, then Lukhan had always been fated to be betrayed, sentenced, and come here to become Brother Yarit. Had even Belisha's betrayal been fated, or would fate have found another way to send him here? Had Brother Saan been aware of him before he'd even arrived? His notes didn't give an answer to that: they were never addressed to Yarit, even those written at a time when Yarit was convinced that Brother Saan already knew who would succeed him. Brother Saan had done nothing to stop Yarit from leaving the Fortress, secure in the knowledge that Pahrkun and Anamuth would stop him, and Yarit couldn't see much difference between that and what he'd done. </p>
<p>But none of that was Vironesh's concern, and so Yarit swallowed it down. Vironesh was just the messenger. </p>
<p>"I will train Khai," Vironesh said. "I'll teach him what I've learned." So that Khai wouldn't have to suffer the same fate Vironesh did, Vironesh didn't add.</p>
<p>"I thank you," Yarit said formally. </p>
<p>Vironesh inclined his head. </p>
<p>They sat in silence for a few moments, and Yarit realized that if he didn't say anything, Vironesh would simply leave, their business concluded. He was surprised how much he found himself wishing that Vironesh would stay. Yarit still had many questions for him. Besides, it had been a while since Yarit had simply talked with someone who didn't feel obliged to obey him, if reluctantly, because of his role.</p>
<p>"I've been training Khai in the ways of the Shahalim," Yarit said. "If you like, we can coordinate our training plans." </p>
<p>Vironesh hesitated, clearly unsure about the prospect of working more closely with Yarit. "Your plan worked," he said eventually, carefully, "but you were still presumptuous and rude."</p>
<p>He had been. If not for the <em>gahlba</em>, Yarit wouldn't have been surprised if Vironesh had attacked him for bringing up Prince Kazaran's death like that, and Yarit wouldn't have blamed him for it. But Yarit hadn't known what else to do. Pahrkun had chosen him, and Pahrkun had also chosen Khai for a purpose, and as the Seer Yarit had to try and support him. Yarit didn't know how to explain to Vironesh that even though he now had more Knowledge than ever before, he knew what to do less than ever. All he could do was try and guess what he was supposed to do, what Pahrkun wanted him to do, for which he'd inexplicably chosen him. At least Vironesh and Khai had been chosen for a clear purpose. Yarit had to guess.</p>
<p>He was about to try and put it into words when his gaze unfocused. </p>
<p>
  <em>Vironesh and himself were sitting at this same table, sharing food. They were smiling and laughing like good friends, their bodies relaxed in the presence of familiar, comfortable company. Khai had made good progress recently, and they were proudly sharing tales from his latest training sessions with each of them and discussing how best to challenge him next. He would be ready soon, and his mentors would be there for him every step of the way, together.</em>
</p>
<p>It was a warm thought. Yarit hadn't really made any friends in all the time he'd been here, had always been considered an outsider and been even more resented for it when he'd been chosen to lead them. Having a friend here, someone who could understand what it meant to have a life decided by a god's choice, would make it all more bearable. </p>
<p>Then his Sight found a different image. </p>
<p>
  <em>Ash was falling from the sky. The army of the risen dead pressed ever onward, and where they went everything withered and perished. The air rung with their shrieking and roaring. They swept over the lands, their own eerily green glowing empty eye sockets illuminating the darkness just enough to show their monstrous forms and the ripped apart corpses beneath their feet. One of the broken bodies was purple. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>In the dark, lightning flashed, and for moments the undead flood was held back. For moments, it looked like there was hope. But then the drowned pressed forward, surrounding those who desperately tried to oppose them, and there were not enough warriors to hold them back. The lightning flashed once more and then stopped. There was a desperate cry. The last hope crumbled as the defenders were overrun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The last place to be swallowed by the darkness was Merabaht, the city of the Sun-Blessed. It fell, and Miasmus had won.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Yarit found that he was trembling. He forced himself to stop. He'd closed his eyes as if that could stop the images he'd Seen, when he knew well by now how impossible that was.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>The warning was clear. He didn't know how he and Vironesh becoming friends would lead to Vironesh's death, but he couldn't risk it. Fate was a fragile, fickle thing, and even a small act or word could lead to ruin, could lead to one of the many pieces that prophecy demanded be put into place just ever so slightly out of alignment. Vironesh was supposed to be with Khai before the end, and now Yarit Knew that if he wasn't – if, for whatever reason, being friends with Yarit led to him making a different choice somewhere along the way and dying early – then the world was lost.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Briefly, Yarit considered telling Vironesh about his vision, to explain his actions. But that was just his personal, selfish desire for Vironesh to understand him better. It wasn't important, in the grand scheme of things; it might even be dangerous, according to what he'd Seen.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>And so Yarit shrugged and put on a careless grin. "But it worked," he said.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Vironesh stood up. "I'll manage my part of Khai's training on my own," he said.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>"Fine."</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>"Elder Brother," Vironesh said with a stiff nod and left.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
<p>Yarit watched him leave. He recalled the image of the two of them sitting together at the table, laughing, and once more regretted Pahrkun's cursed gift.</p>
<p>
  <em></em>
</p>
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